39 Miscellaneous Thoughts and Reflections from 2019
Like many, I was planning on writing a reflection piece at the end of 2019. I began scribbling in December and lo and behold — published this in March 2020! Many things have happened that have both global and personal impact since then, but I thought that I’d keep my original thoughts and reflections as close in spirit to my 2019 self as possible (with a couple of edits to reflect the time of publish).
When I began writing, I couldn’t really settle on a topic or major theme, which was blocking me from writing anything at all, so I just brain dumped anything that came to mind. This means that these thoughts and reflections are somewhat close to random and are by no means my complete thoughts and reflections (who can go through 39 points anyway?).
1. Life is happening so fast
Every year feels like it gets faster and 2019 was no different. 2019 though, felt like it moved so fast that I could barely keep up. I started the year learning how to keep a puppy alive, then got married, went on two pivotal US work trips, was a best man, got accepted into Startmate, Australia’s most ambitious startup accelerator program, and ended the year becoming a dad for the first time. All the while my startup grew 5x in revenue over the past 12 months, going from 1 to 4 full-time employees.
I’ve generally been the type of person to keep on top of things to a high standard as I’ve always felt like I’ve had just enough time to meet my expectations. 2019, not so much. I was overloaded and felt that I was constantly playing catch up. This is not to say that I performed poorly in anything — I feel proud that I was able to shoulder such a load and still execute. It required me to be more flexible and adaptable than ever before. 2019 was a year in which my personal and professional lives collided with a bang. With the year behind me, I feel ready to shoulder more. Considered planning and clear priorities will be crucial — this will help me do what I need with limited time.
2. I don’t like work travel nearly as much as when I was younger
I think most people coming out of university love the idea of travel while working. Staying in hotels, meal allowances, Qantas lounge, etc. I was no different. In 2019, I travelled overseas twice and it wasn’t quite the same. Perhaps because it was my own company paying my expenses, but I also legitimately felt home sick a lot of the time. I think people are attracted to novel experiences — this is often a locus for growth. Generally, going to a new city or country will give you this in abundance. This didn’t change whilst I was away, but I felt that a greater locus for growth now resided with those who I was closest to, and that generally meant home.
3. Raising a puppy through its 1st year of life has taught me a lot about myself
My wife and I got a puppy called Sammy on Christmas Eve last year. That first week was tough, almost so that we almost threw in the towel. I’m glad we didn’t. Our puppy has grown into a… well, bigger, older puppy. He’s still as playful and cheeky as when he was younger. I’ve learnt a fair amount about raising another living being — the responsibility (Sammy occupies my mind permanently), empathy, patience, psychology & physiology, and how dogs bring out the best in people (most of the time).
4. Philosophy is an important tool to help me navigate life
Back to point #1, I often felt that I was playing catch up and not quite meeting expectations. I know that I’m my harshest critic, and this could have all blown up royally. But learning from philosophies such as Stoicism in understanding that you control what happens to you internally irrespective of what gets thrown at you externally, helps. Taking complete responsibility over your own actions as opposed to blaming others or events is liberating. Learning from Taoism, that progress is not always linear helps. Learning from Buddhism that suffering is growth helps me experience challenges in a more productive, positive way.
5. I read less books, but way more blogs
Last year, I read a book a month. This year, I read four, end to end. For some reason, my appetite for books just wasn’t there. However, my appetite to read and learn hasn’t wavered. Instead, I replaced books with articles and blogs. I think I’ve gotten addicted to my Medium daily digest — almost every single article is highly tailored to my interests. I do want to get back into reading a book a month for 2020 though.
6. Your wedding day IS the best day of your life*
I’ve heard people say that their wedding was the ‘best day of their lives’, and I’ve always been a little sceptical about it. Seemed superfluous. So then came my own special day, and there’s nothing quite like it. As I stood there at the altar, I took a quick glance around and all I could see were the people that meant the most to me, waiting with me for my bride-to-be to walk down the aisle. Time froze for a moment and I felt my heart skip a beat. After the ceremony, as I walked down the aisle with my love, we both realised that we were buzzing. The rest of the night carried out in a similar manner. Reflecting back, that day almost seemed surreal.
*See next point.
7. The birth of your child IS the best day of your life*
I’ve heard people say that the day that their first child was born, was the ‘best day of their lives’. Ever since watching a scene in Lost In Translation as a teen though (see video below at 2:20ish), I’ve put even the thought of becoming a parent for the first time in the ‘too hard to comprehend’ basket. So then came the day that it happened to me. The process itself has given me an insane respect for what my wife went through, and the whole process of labour for the woman. It’s made me think about how beautiful it all is, how perfectly designed it is — down to the smallest detail. I no longer question why. The day of my daughter’s birth, I could only feel pride for both mum and child, as well as an overwhelming feeling of gratefulness that both were healthy. I felt a sense of fear too — a fear of the unknown. The moment the baby was delivered and my first skin-to-skin contact are moments I will never forget.
*I’d like to think of it as the start of the best phase of MY life.
8. Like how the tide washes onto the shore, life comes in and out, relentlessly
My dad often spoke of my generation as being in the ‘springtime of life’. After the birth of my daughter, he mentioned that I had now transitioned out of springtime. My daughter has just entered into this world, and in time, she will enter her own ‘springtime of life’. In 2018, the family went through the opposite spectrum of life, as we said farewell to a couple of loved ones. In 2019, we had had a couple of new arrivals welcomed to the family. Just like how the tide comes in and out, life is a relentless cycle.
9. Wisdom is the most enriching experience you can have
We can learn practically anything we want with a click of a button these days. Accumulation of knowledge is easy and fun. But knowledge is useful to an extent, and the opposite can ring true too — that we can suffer from an overabundance of knowledge. To solve this, we need to convert our knowledge into wisdom. Wisdom is the maturation of one’s knowledge so that they can discern what’s important and what’s not. Wisdom allows you to use your knowledge to create new knowledge — perhaps combining lessons from two seemingly unrelated areas to create unique insight. As I experience more life, I get great satisfaction accumulating knowledge that matures into wisdom through context and action, and then accumulating more knowledge to rewrite existing wisdom.
10. Women rule the world
The majority of civilised history has seen men in leadership positions. We’ve got decent data on how the world operates with men at the top. Now let’s imagine if we turned it upside down and for our next 100 years saw women in the majority of leadership positions. How would our world change? After seeing what my wife went through to give birth, something that could not possibly be experienced by men (unless you’re Arnie) — everything that a woman needs to overcome is something that puts them on a different playing field to men.
11. The ‘bamboo ceiling’ is strong but bending
Something that was amazing and worth writing about is my experience watching the movie ‘Crazy Rich Asians’. The first all-Asian cast Hollywood film in more than 25 years, there was a lot of hype around from the Asian-Australian community. I went to watch it pretty late after its release, but had looked forward to it. To my astonishment, the cinema was full but that wasn’t just it — the cinema wasn’t full of Asian viewers, but of people from all sorts of ethnic backgrounds. That kind of blew my mind, and I never thought that I would experience something like that. This was a win for diversity, especially for someone that has rarely seen someone that looked like me on TV or film (that wasn’t some sort of stereotyped caricature).
12. Hope for humanity is strong
EDIT: I had come up with this topic but had left the content blank until now (7 March 2020). My perspective on this has irreversibly evolved since the tragic events that have rocked the end of 2019 and start of 2020, notably the Australian bushfires and COVID-19 outbreak. Originally, I was going to write about how ideology, social class, and for a lack of a better word, humanity, seemed to be diverging further and further. However, I look at #10 and #11 and feel that there is great hope in the world of tomorrow. People are destructive but resilient and problem solvers.
13. Growth mindset may be the most important concept I’ve learnt
I read Carol Dweck’s book, Mindset, in late 2018 and it has been possibly the most practical book I’ve ever read. To sum it up, a growth mindset sees one’s ability as constantly evolving and improvable through learning. The opposite is a fixed mindset, which sees one’s ability as innate, predetermined genetically. I have used this to better understand a lot of self-defeating biases that have driven how I view or respond to certain things. Viewing my own limitations as opportunities for growth has unlocked my potential.
14. To grow, people need to consider journeying internally as much as externally
Seneca once wrote, “Do you suppose that you alone have had this experience? Are you surprised, as if it were a novelty, that after such long travel and so many changes of scene you have not been able to shake off the gloom and heaviness of your mind? You need a change of soul rather than a change of climate.”
I feel like a lot of people I know tend to “go away” in the hope that they discover themselves when they are in a glut. I think a change in scenery can definitely help, but only if you are truly trying to connect with yourself, rather than use travel as a form of escapism. I’ve found that with the insane pace and noise that we live in, going internal whether it be through meditation or journaling can help you discover an entirely new world within yourself — you don’t need a plane to get there.
15. Struggle is life, and that’s beautiful
Everyone begins their life in struggle. Your mother has to grow you in her womb for 9 months, going through all sorts of physical and mental challenges. Then when you are ready to come out into the world, both you and your mother go through an insane amount of difficulty to make that happen. Historically, you have a pretty poor chance of surviving. Why does this happen? Why do we have to go through this?
The modern world makes most everyday activities extremely convenient, generally within arm’s reach. Modern medicine has meant that you can, at the very least, bypass or numb a lot of the pain you would have to go through if you were to give birth. So why even bother with the old, slower, more painful route? I believe that life is meant to be fully experienced — positive and negative. The negative is required to experience the positive, and vice-versa. Struggle is not just part of the experience, it enriches the experience.
16. Being nice to be helpful, or being nice to avoid confrontation
We have a value at Syncio called Clear communication. It’s described as follows, “We’re succinct, candid, and considerate. We listen more than we talk. We talk to people directly about issues, instead of stepping around it.”
How many times have we stepped around someone to avoid hurting their feelings, but giving them the hard truth would actually have been more helpful to them? We do this with the misguided intention of protecting that person’s feelings, yet in the long run it doesn’t protect them at all. They end up not understanding what needs to change and continue to remain oblivious, so they repeat that behaviour again, perhaps to more dire consequences. That’s not really being nice at all.
17. If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.
Plus it’s just so much more fun when you share in the journey.
18. Ego makes life complicated
I’ve become increasingly interested in the ego — as an entrepreneur, the ego is incredibly important as a source of confidence and resilience. However, like most other things, if left unchecked, the ego can be destructive. The ego is shifty in that it takes many forms — it can make you submissive, it can make you aggressive, it convinces you of your desires, and it shifts to protect its narrative. We have an amazing ability to find excuses to protect it. Almost 100% of my problems stem from my ego.
19. I am fortunate to have friends that are good people
How do you choose your friends? Generally friends come about by proximity — they live near you, go to the same school as you, work with you. So it’s sort of a lottery in terms of who forms your friendship circle. Over time, your friends may change as your ‘proximity’ changes. Over time, you and your friends will change, and you may drift apart or form even stronger bonds. I’ve been fortunate that I’ve been able to stay close to my friendship circle despite my absenteeism in recent years. I’ve now seen many of my closest friends go through important stages of their lives, including becoming first-time parents and I’m so happy to see them continue to grow and become better people. I can feel how loving they are from how they’ve treated me and how they are to their family. As I said earlier it’s a bit of a lottery and I’ve really struck out.
20. Writing makes learning way easier (and more satisfying)
I’ve liked writing since high school, but when I thought about what writing was, I thought about creative writing. I’ve never really thought too much about writing in its purest sense. But I think I’ve started to truly appreciate writing over the past year — writing to-do lists, writing in the form of journaling, writing meeting notes, writing when I’m trying to solve hard problems, and then when it gets super fun — creative writing. Learning the value of writing has been one of the greatest gifts for me.
21. Sometimes, you just can’t learn without experiencing failure
The saying goes, “Smart people learn from their mistakes, wise people learn from other’s mistakes”. Makes absolute sense. But some things (or some people) just can’t seem to execute on this advice until it’s too late. Why? I think part of it is that certain things need to be learnt the hard way. You can’t just jump straight into wisdom — the knowledge you gain goes through a rite of passage before you become wise from it. And quite frankly, it’s better that way. You appreciate it more. You learn to love the journey and accept that falling over is part of it, so long as you can get back up and learn not to trip over that snag again the next time.
22. Goals that are defined yet flexible will guide you in the right direction
I spent more time thinking and planning in 2019, and continue to find more balance between planning and executing. This has helped guide direction and accountability in what I set out to achieve vs what I actually achieved. I need to thank Startmate for being monumental in helping me build discipline in this area.
23. The older you get, the less you give a shit about how you look
Everything that people older than me said about this is true. You do give less shit about how people think of you based on your appearance. I used to stress about wind wrecking my perfectly parted hair — now I embrace the fresh breeze running through my hat hair.
24. Self-love first in order to fully love others
How can you love others when you don’t love yourself? How do you even understand what love is when you can’t love yourself?
25. Your body always comes to collect its debt
Learnt this valuable piece of advice from Startmate (thanks James Tynan). Your body is the ultimate debt collector. Borrow a few hours sleep here, a couple of hours there. Eat junk food that day to compensate for lack of time. Likewise skip exercise for the same reasons. Know that this debt will be collected, and it will hurt when the time comes. Your body is relentless in getting back what you took out.
26. Communication is hard
Human beings are social creatures — we could not evolve to the point we are at without socialising with each other. Socialising requires communication. Communication is really hard. It requires a lot of effort and energy to do it effectively, and it requires both parties to do so. If you can get communication right with your partner, family, friends, and organisation — you are probably the happiest person in the world.
27. To do fulfilling work, love the process, not the destination
As Joel Embiid advocates, “Trust the process”. People that I admire have this characteristic about them — they love the process, the journey, far greater than ever arriving at the destination. By loving the process, you love something that may never end — something that is infinite. It’s the same reason why Roger Federer keeps playing tennis when he has every reason to have retired many years ago. The trap of focusing on the destination is that if you ever reach it, then what? How did you feel about getting there? Was it what you imagined it to be? Loving the process means that you keep working because it’s fulfilling, ultimately helping you get closer to the destination anyway. Trust the process.
28. Anyone can achieve great things
“Everything was made by people that were no smarter than you” — Steve Jobs. So go out and do it — you got this!
29. You are defined by your narrative
Your narrative is a signal to the outside world. Don’t let that signal be something that misrepresents you. You control your narrative so make it your own. Make it a competitive advantage.
30. Improving yourself by 1% each day after a year will compound to 37.78X growth (0.03X decline if the opposite)
Investing in you is the best investment.*
*The information above is general in nature and does not constitute personal financial advice.
31. Screen time really drains you
I spend less than an half an hour on social media a day. I find it extremely draining, especially if I manage to get entranced by its addictive properties. Mind you, I’m also married to someone who doesn’t seem to be affected by its ‘draining’ properties at all — in fact, she’s able to use social media to her advantage.
32. Environment is such an influential factor to accomplishing your objectives
“You’re the average of the five people you spend the most time with”, said Jim Rohn. I agree with this quote and extend it as a proxy for the environment that you choose to immerse yourself in. Choosing the right environment helps you get that work done 10x easier.
To that end, my environment has almost exclusively been with my wife as we not only live together, but share a co-working office together. I owe a lot of my growth and development to her, and I hope she feels similarly with me. I think we are an unbelievable team, and am only just getting started.
33. On the fence is where I’m often finding myself
A stranger came up to me and asked me who was my favourite pop artist of all time. I thought really hard about it, to which my response was, “I’m not sure… I’m a fan of a lot of artists”. The stranger, somewhat in disbelief, then tried to narrow the question down for me, asking who my favourite American pop artist was. I thought hard about it, then responded, “I’m not really sure…”. Somehow the second question was harder than the first. I genuinely did not have an answer. That type of response is fairly common across a multitude of topics. I don’t really have a strong opinion on most things, instead looking to find the good in the diversity of options available. I reserve my strong opinions to the topics that mean most to me.
34. You can learn about someone by meeting their parents
Spend some time with someone’s parents and you uncover hidden chapters in that person — it’s fascinating. Spend more time with your own parents and the same happens to yourself.
35. Extreme consumerism and debt is the modern way of keeping order — but there’s a limit
A person drags themselves to work day in, day out. Clock in, clock out. They relieve themselves through the replenishment of their bank account so that it allows them to resume a form of escapism — the format of which is like picking your poison. But something more sinister lurks in the shadows — that of all consuming debt. This debt generally masquerades as The Great Australian Dream these days but can take other forms.
36. We are all connected
Call it soul, qi, life force… the world is connected through a collective consciousness that flows through everything. Everything is made up of energy. I find myself believing this more and more. And this helps me feel compassion to other human beings, living beings, and even to inanimate objects…well, maybe not inanimate objects.
37. Meditation is an absolute requisite to staying healthy
With the chaos surrounding us, you can find white space when you close your eyes and take a deep breath. Recently, I’ve tried to do more walking meditation sessions. As imperfect as these sessions are, it’s still like I’m seeing a black and white world in technicolor.
38. Sports is my mirror for life
The late Kobe Bryant once said, “There’s no greater metaphor for life than sports itself”. I agree, and often use sports to make sense of life. Professional sports is a brutally public experiment on humanity that offers extraordinary insights into the triumphs and the tragedies of life.
39. Fun fact!
When I was ready to publish this article, I noticed that the article title was “39 Miscellaneous Thoughts and Reflections from 2019” but I had actually only written up 38. I could have simply just corrected the title, but felt enchanted by the number 39 so decided to leave it and write up #39 to make the title factually correct.
If you enjoyed this..
Follow me to keep up to date with my latest articles 😊
Worth sharing?
Please press the 👏 right below you. It helps more people see it.
